Ten in Ten: Day One

I saw this on my friend's blog and decided to do it as well. There is a different theme for each day and today's is...

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now. (Names not included)

*Disclaimer: I have actually thought about this post for several days and could not chose who in particular I wanted to write about, so I chose groups of people (friends, family, mean people...yes mean people. But I still did not list the group, although you can probably figure it out yourself.) and a few individuals.

1. You are the reason I am here. I question the path you have laid out for me at times although I continue going down it with faith as my flashlight and you as my strength. I never know what is around the corner waiting for me but I know that you do and that you will be right there with me, so I never have worry in my heart. Your love comes easy and without question so at times I take it for granted as well as the blessings you have given me. So I am glad that your forgiveness also comes easy and that it's pure forgiveness.

2. You give meaning to my day. You challenge me every day to be better at what I do. I love to watch your face as you talk about your memories, like you're dusting off a good record and playing your favorite song. Sometimes you get so caught up in them that it's like I'm not even there. There are stories that make us laugh until our sides hurt and some that make me yearn for a different time. Then there are the ones that you can't finish because even though they were so long ago, the pain sneaks back up on you as if it were yesterday. You put life in perspective for me and help me to realize what and who really matter at the end of the day. Sometimes you don't remember my name and even when you do, I'm just a mere dot in your life. But I will never forget you or the lessons you have taught me while I make my own life full of memories.

3. I see you where ever I go. As I am driving to the mall, running errands, at a party, everywhere. I don't know you and the chances are I never will but I smile at you anyway, as if we were old friends. Sometimes you smile back and ask about my day but that's usually as far as it goes. For you anyway, I always want more. I want to know your story, what brought you across my path. I want to know why you have a scar across your forehead, did you fall when you were little or is it from a battle with cancer? I want to know the story behind "Maria" tattooed on your arm, was she your high school sweetheart and did it work out? I want to know if you like what you are doing and if not, why don't you make it better? Did you give up on your dreams or is this everything you dreamed of? I tip you extra when you give bad service because I wonder if you are going through something difficult and just can't shake it. I compliment you on something if I can tell your sad or upset because sometimes it's enough to put a smile back on your face. I motion for you to go first at the stop sign because you may be in a hurry somewhere. I hold the door for you with a smile on my face because I know sometimes you think young people these days don't have any manners. I try not to get annoyed when your kids don't behave because I know that could be me one day and I would want some one to do the same. Everyone has a story and I want to know yours.

4. No matter what, you're supposed to be there. That's why I'm still here. There are days when you frustrate me so much that I wish I didn't know you, but I stay because that's what we do and because I know you have a heart of gold...even if it's buried deep sometimes. I wish that you could learn from your lessons though or the mistakes from those around you, then you wouldn't make things so hard on yourself. You have the potential to be so much more than what you settle for. You hold grudges against each other too and sometimes without good reason. You have to learn to let things go and just enjoy things as they come. I love that you love those around you with the fire of a thousand suns and how you would do anything for them if they needed. Sometimes you contain that love to just select people and I wish you would let others in, you would be surprised at how easy it is and at the joy you would get in return. Remember, if you ask of others then you should also be willing to give yourself. No matter what though, I'm still here for you...even if you push me away.

5. You are your worst enemy. For real. You give of yourself without expecting anything in return and often run empty because of this. I think you need to be a little more selective in who you invest in that way you aren't disappointed when the favor is never or rarely returned. But it's not why you do what you do so I know you won't listen anyway. You know God will take care of you so you never worry about your feelings and desires. You drive yourself crazy trying to be politically correct even though you don't understand why you should be, people should just know that you have good intentions and it frustrates you when they take your words/actions the wrong way. At times you're an old soul and rather hang out with the older generation because they understand you better than those your own age. That and they know how to let go of the unimportant things and to hold on to what really matters. It's funny how you don't like when people make excuses for the way their life is although you make excuses for them when they let you down. You always manage a smile even when your heart is aching inside, because you feel the need to be strong for others and you aren't sure they really care to hear your troubles anyway. I pray that you begin to realize your potential and beauty like your biggest fans do, it's the only way you will be able to grow. I pray that you continue to dream even when it seems pointless and that you won't ever lose the naive side of you that you get teased about. There are two sides to your personality, most people just see your semi-confident always in control side. I see the shy dreamer who just wants everyone to love you the way you love them...and ask you what your story is.

6. I will never understand you or what makes you the way you are. Your smile drips with honey but sometimes your words are poison and I fall for them every time. Just when I think I am gaining ground with you, you show me why I should just walk away and leave you in your misery. But everyone has a story and I like to believe that you really are a good person at heart but that maybe you are just going through something that has your heart hardened. So I continue to smile at you and wish you the best when we pass each other and I listen to how your day went with active interest although you never inquire about mine. You make the saying, "Kill them with kindness." a full time job but for the most part it isn't that hard so I continue at it. You have no real reason to dislike me or treat me the way you do so it doesn't affect the outcome of my day. If anything, I sometimes secretly hope it drives you crazy that you haven't broken me. ;) and that you will begin to see that you can be a happy person too!

7. You know me from when I was a gawky little kid all the way to who I am today and you have been there for me through it all. You laughed at all my embarrassing moments, from accidentally setting off the fire alarm in front of my high school crush to getting sick in front of everyone at a classy hotel lounge and you remind me of it to keep me real. You also know I'll remind you of yours! You tell me what I need to hear while also telling me what I don't want to admit myself. You push me to try new things and the memories we make because of that will last a lifetime. We go months without talking and then carry on a conversation as if we saw each other yesterday. On the other hand we talk or text everyday, and if the day has gone by and we haven't talked I text you just because. You're my partner in crime and one of the few who really gets me and my crazy ways. The times you don't get me, you just laugh and love me anyway! You're each in my life for different reasons and I'm so glad that God knew I needed you. I hope I'm there for you like you have been there for me, even when we are miles apart.

8. I see you every day but don't really know that much about you. I don't like to assume that just because you're apart of my everyday activities that we are automatically friends, I've been burned that way before. So I just go along with the way we are now and wait to see if you try to make an effort to be friends or not. That might seem a little snobbish but I promise that's not it at all. Although, I admit that it does make for less drama in some situations and makes it easier to voice when I am unhappy about something...since I'm not afraid of ruining a friendship that doesn't really exist. But really I'm the type of person who wants to be friends with everyone so most of the time I don't say anything anyway.

9. You are my rock and keep me grounded even when I try to jump. But you also encourage me to fly and challenge myself. Your my biggest fan and believe in me more than I do. Most of the time I don't deserve your love. You have seen me at my best and have seen me at my worst and you continue to love me anyway. You are my secret keeper, my dream holder, and my protector. We have grown up a lot together and have made so many memories along the way. You stay strong for the both of us when I feel we have reached our limit. You're the brains of the operation and I'm the heart and together we have it all. You know how to push my buttons but also how to sooth my aching heart. We are complete opposites in so many ways and yet for the most part it works perfectly. I don't know what the future holds for us but I know that you will always be there and that means everything.

10. You do not exist yet and yet I think of you every day. I wonder if you will have my smile or my eyes. I wonder if we will share a love of animals and dream of the good we could do together if we took in every stray that came our way. Will you enjoy staying up late with me playing card games? I'm scared that I will try too hard to give you what I didn't have and it will scar you for life or turn you away. I'm scared that you will make stupid choices in life and have to learn things the hard way. I don't want you to ever push me away and feel like you can't come to me when you're in trouble but I don't want to enable you to keep going down the wrong path. I pray that you will love me like I love you, that you will have the same upbeat chipper outlook on life, that you won't let others get you down, and that you live life to the fullest. I pray I don't fail you or that you ever feel you have failed me. I can't wait to cuddle you while your little, cry when you run off with your friends forgetting to give me a hug, and for when you have these very same feelings yourself. Right now you can still be anything since you aren't here yet and that's the main reason you aren't. I can't fail you yet, you can't outgrow me yet, you can't be born with some illness or defect yet...if you don't exist. And yet, I think of you every day.

Whew! That was harder and took longer than I thought! I'm glad these get shorter as the days go on! Hope you had a happy New Year!

X's and O's,

Brandi Sue