Ten in Ten: Day Nine

Ten Days: Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.

Huh? I mean really? We have all these deep meaning days or whatever and now all I have to do is pick two "smileys?" I mean...what is that? Okay, so I'm going with this:

*Whichever smiley is for "happy"
*and whichever smiley is for "full of life"

There ya go! One day left!!

X's and O's,

Brandi Sue

Ten in Ten: Day Eight

Ten Days: Day Eight: Three turn ons

Well, if you don't fall into any of the categories in the last post, then you're doing pretty good! But for fun I'll list 3 things that attract me to people in general. (I don't think attract is the right word since I don't mean it as a dating term...I'm talking about for friends too. But I don't know what other word to use at the moment so it stays, with this disclaimer haha)

1. A love for life. You're gonna have your bad days as well as the good days, but there's those of us who take them both with the appreciation for just having another day at all. Oprah said, "You are not what happens to you, you are what you choose to do." Choose to wake up on the right side of the bed, choose to be happy, choose to see the lesson of a "bad day/situation", and choose to enjoy each day. Cherish life and appreciate the moments you have with the people you love. Oooo...there's the next one...

2. A love for people. This means everyone, not just the people you choose. I've been stuck for two days trying to think how I want to describe this "trait" and I can't get it right. When I would list the things I meant, it sounded more like "respect others and have nice manners" but that's not what I mean. It's so much more than holding the door open for someone, asking if they need help with directions, and things like that. Make someone (anyone) smile from ear to ear! You know, that goofy smile that shows all your teeth and makes your eyes squinty! (spell check says that isn't a word...it soooo is though! right?! haha) Make someone's day! If you like that bright yellow shirt they're wearing, say so! Who cares if they roll their eyes at you and walk away, they're smiling as they walk away so you got that at least!

3. Be passionate. It can be about anything you choose, (um hopefully something good haha) but have something that drives you. Something that you feel so strongly about that you can't put into words how you feel about it.

Ah, so I had writers block (or bloggers block?) with this one but I couldn't delay it any longer so there you go!! Yay, almost done just 2 more days!!

X's and O's,

Brandi Sue

Ten in Ten: Day Seven

Ten Days: Day Seven: Four turn offs

*Well, the first thing that came to my mind when I read this was: smoking!! being illiterate on purpose!! laziness!! dirty teeth!! But I figured I'd go past physical features, I'm not in the dating scene anymore anyway, so here's what turns me off about people in general!

1. Insecurity/lack of confidence. Everyone is always slightly insecure, I know I am at times. It can get exhausting to be around someone who always needs reassurance about themselves. I have learned that it sometimes helps to "fake it" on the days you aren't feeling very confident! It will make others more confident in you which will in turn boost your confidence in yourself! Also, just keep in mind that people are faking confidence more than you might think...when I remember that, it makes me more confident. Everyone needs a little reassurance here and there. Boost others and they will boost you!

2. Lack of ambition. There are those who at by age 10 "know" who and where they want to be when they grow up. (some with the help of their parents) Then there are those of us who, by our senior year of high school (you know when practically everyone expects you to know) still have no clue what we want to do for the rest of our lives! Some of us just wing it and go for something and it turns out to be the best thing ever for them or it's not and so they try something new. Then there are those who never figure it out or even try. They just seem to float through life, wanting more out of it but not really doing much to get what they want. They make excuses...wait! That's going to be my next turn off!! So I'll end this one with, if you want something then go after it! Want to make more money? Then enroll yourself in school!! Can't afford school? Then learn about what grants you may qualify for or bust your butt off at your current job and save what you can until you can afford it. It's not easy but people do it all the time! Or maybe you already have a good job, then work your way up the ladder! Make yourself unique, indispensable! Don't buy unnecessary things if you are wanting to go on vacation, save it for a trip somewhere! Life is short, too short, to just sit on the couch day in and day out. Do something, be someone, go somewhere...make a difference in your life or someone elses.

3. Okay, as I said above...making excuses! I don't mean the ones like, "Weeeell, the weatherman said it was going to rain so I'll wash my car next week." I mean the ones people make for the reasons why they think they can't get anywhere in life or why, in their opinion, their life sucks. It goes hand in hand with the blame game. They blame others or blame situations for the reasons they can't make their life better or be happy. Someone has to break the cycle!! Look at Amelia Earhart, President Obama, Princess Diana, Oprah and oh so many others who rose above challenges to reach their dreams and their goals. Those are famous people, but there are everyday people out there who do the same...just without the cameras and all that jazz!

4. Mean people. Flat out negative, sarcastic, mean, hateful people who have no reason to treat others the way they do. It literally makes me sick to my stomach. Sometimes they are just so miserable in their own lives that they just can't seem to be happy for others and they pick other people apart just for fun. I don't understand it. Especially when it's their own actions and behavior that are keeping them from being happy. Life is all about attitude and perspective people! :)

Okay, so this post took forever! I got caught up in editing photography sessions that I lost track of time! But here you go! Happy Wednesday!

XOXO,

Brandi Sue

Ten in Ten: Day Six

Ten Days: Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)

"I have too many for this!!!! I am going to do categories" That's a quote from Wendy's blog, the girl I got this idea from. I agree with her and I chose to do categories as well!!

1. My "every day" best friends. Meaning the ones who I talk to a few times a week in some way or another and we see each other at least a few times a month.

2. Childhood best friends. I wish I were able to see them more often.

3. Devin

4. My patients.

5. Family. On both sides and including Dev's!!

Have a good week!!

X's and O's,

Brandi Sue

Ten in Ten: Day Five

Ten Days: Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.

*Okay, so my real answer would be cliche. Ya know, where we all agree that we wouldn't change anything because it made us who we are today and all that jazz. I'm not dissing that answer, because that is how I really really feel as well. BUT...there are some things I wish I had never done. I did have to think about this a little longer, and then I let time get away from me!! Anyway, I wanted to be honest but also not too revealing so there are some that are short and sweet and some that are more detailed!

1. When I was a freshman I took swimming and our early morning practice counted as a class so I had a free period the last hour of the day. Another girl from swim class did as well so we started hanging out waiting for school to get out. We got along pretty well and soon became friends. One day an upperclassman I knew saw me hanging out with her and later told me that it wasn't a good idea. (for "coolness" reasons not safety reasons) I really don't remember what they said but for some reason, it made me stop talking to her. Like, ice cold stopped. I stopped writing her back, I found another place to hang out while I waited for school to be over, and I took different paths to my classes. (it was a big school) The funny thing is, I really wasn't "popular" to begin with and I had never cared before what others thought. I got along with and was friends with practically every type of person/group that there was in our school...so why change now? I have no idea why I did that and soon I moved away so I never did get the chance to make up for it. I even ended up back at that school less than a year later, but she was gone. What makes me feel even 10x worse about it is, I know what that feels like to be treated like that. My childhood best friend and I were inseparable until my family moved and I decided to go live with my Dad. Well, just two years later I moved back with my Mom and started a new school. I was so surprised to find out that she had moved there as well!! Now we could be friends again!!! In those two years though, her mom had become a nurse so they had better income which we all know...makes you instantly popular. So, she was way to cool to be seen with me. I wrote her letters and everything, I just couldn't understand how she could be like that. That was just in 5th grade. Here I was, in the 9th grade, and doing the same thing. I was disgusted with myself. I think about her every now and then. I wonder if she even remembers me and if she does, I hope she doesn't think about that and just remembers our friendship. I'm sure our paths will never cross again or if I would even recognize her but I'll always wish I could take that back. Even if it was a good reminder to ALWAYS treat others with kindness and not to care what others think. She would have been my friend forever and that upperclassman? I can't even remember their name.

2. I wish that I hadn't spent so much time wondering why you didn't like me and arguing with you over why they should. It wasn't my fault that we didn't get to grow up together and when we were finally able to have a relationship you didn't want to be bothered with it. That was almost 10 years ago. 10 years of memories we could have had. I wasted so much time trying to get to know and build a relationship with you, that I neglected the ones who were there. All for what? I started to list all the things that you (they weren't good) but then realized that I would be putting myself on the same level as you, and I'm way above you. I've come to realize that that must be one of the main reasons why you can't stand me. Funny thing is, I didn't realize I was better than you until recently. One day it was like it hit me out of no where. Why was I trying to prove myself to you, why was I looking up to you, why was I seeking your love...when you didn't and don't deserve it? You've done nothing but hurt me and most of the ones I love all for nothing. Well, you have your reasons but in the end, they don't stand for anything. You could have a much happier life if you would just learn to truly forgive and love those around you like they love or want to love you. Think about how these last 10 years could have been if you had done that and more important...how the next 10 could be. We all have so much in common but instead of embracing it, you see it as a threat. The truth is, I'll always still want to be a part of your life no matter what and I don't really think I am better than you...but I won't keep walking on eggshells around you or keep you on a pedestal. I wish others would do the same to you, maybe then you would learn how relationships are supposed to work.

3. I wish I would have spoken up for myself more through out the years. There were many time that I was too afraid of being labeled a "B" or aggressive, so I just kept the peace and stayed quiet. I didn't realize that by doing that, I would become a doormat. I put up with a lot more attitude and crap than I should have.

4. I wish that I hadn't settled for second best. I should have tried harder in school instead of being happy with average. I was never taught to be determined though and it wasn't something I picked up naturally. I could easily "wing it" and do pretty good, so why try harder? I wish I had! I wish I had known that it didn't matter how much money I had, what I looked like, who my friends were...that I could and did deserve better.

5. I wish I hadn't cared so much about what people thought about me.

6. I wish I had told you the hurtful truth instead of a comforting lie.

X's and O's,

Brandi Sue

Ten in Ten: Day Four

Ten Days: Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.

*Ohhhh I couldn't even BEGIN to tell you the things that run through my mind. The main reason being because I have a LOT of "thinking" time since sometimes I have 45 minutes in between each one of my patient's houses haha. You don't need to know the other reasons ;) But I'll give you a short version...well...the shortest that I am capable of haha

1. I could really just stick with this one and just say, the future in general. That would pretty much cover a lot of what I think about. I think about where I want to be in 5 years, 10 years... I think about when I want to have kids, which makes me then think about why I am waiting to have them. I think about their names and how I would want to decorate their nursery. How I wish they would just be about 3-4 years old already so I could start doing some fun things up here like go to the zoo, the park, the arcades. Then that's about when I text our friend's Daniel and Brandi and ask them to bring Clay (their son) up to see his "Aunt Brandi", he cures my baby fever haha.

2. I think about what I should be or could be doing with my time. I spend a lot of it editing photos but when I'm between clients I could be doing something productive. Like helping out a non-profit organization, making care packages for soldiers, visiting the elderly (although I kinda do that all day haha), meeting with church groups...anything. When I have kids, I'm sure this will work itself out by being busy with all their activities!

3. I think about photography a lot. As I drive around in the different towns I spot places that I think would make awesome or interesting backgrounds, but I don't have anyone I know in those towns haha I also just see things begging to be captured on film...a hawk on a fence post, a heard of wild looking horses heading towards their food, a flock of geese on a pond, an old Chevy that's a pretty shade of blue... I really enjoy that part of my job, getting to see life outside of a cubical. One day, on the way back from Ardmore, I saw a paint horse in a field of yellow wild flowers and just though to myself...I wish I could capture that life in a picture. I had been tossing around a theme for my photography as well and realized I could play on those words, "capture, life, picture." It took awhile, but then I came up with "Life pictured." It was perfect I thought! It's what I do after all! I don't normally pose the settings I come up with and the people, it's just life pictured! Well not 2 days later I ran across a new blog with pretty pictures, a Norman photographer at that, and guess what her theme was? Yep. Life pictured. Ugh. She's pretty good too and definitely better than me so I can't dislike her for thinking of it before me haha. I also think about how much effort I want to put into my photography. If you aren't careful, it can consume you!!

3. You. If you think this means you, then it most likely does. But don't feel special, I think about everyone haha No really, I do! I'm just weird like that haha But it's in a good way. Something will make me think of you and I'll wonder how you are doing. Most likely if you get a random text message from me (if I still have your number) it's because something just reminded me of you. Ask me next time it happens haha Told ya, I have a lot of free time when I drive!

4. My family. There are some of them that I just want to yell, "What are/were you thinking?!?!" Stop complaining about how bad it is when you are the one who is in control of your life!! There are some I wish I could see more often, because they understand me and because we have a lot in common. I think about the ones of us who don't get along and the stupid reasons they have for it. Then I feel bad because in a way, I don't care anymore if they are in my life or not. I wish there was more I could do for some of them. I wish I could spend time with my Grandma, I love and miss her so so so much!! We have so many happy memories from when I lived with her! I wanna move her down here with me :)

5. What in the world am I going to do for the weekend? Drive to Texas to see friends? Go to Lake Texoma to see Dev's parents and my cousin? Go to Kansas to see my family? Go to Olustee to see Dev's family and our friends? Go shopping with Jenna Sue? Girls trip to Dallas? Hang out with friends here? Stay at home and do nothing? mmmm plan a fun trip?! so many things and not enough weekends!!

6. ummmm how I wish I knew how I wanted to decorate my house. I like so many different things and so many different styles that I have a hard time committing to just one thing. It's really annoying sometimes and probably the reason why I won't ever have curtains! haha

7. Sometimes as I am thinking of things, I relate it to it having a deeper meaning. Or relate it to God somehow. Like, the other day I was in the company car and really really wanted to pass this guy who was annoying me and going under the speed limit. But it wasn't a passing zone (although the way was visible) and since I was in my company car, he could easily report me if he got mad at me. I thought about how if I was in my car, faceless behind tinted windows, I would be an unknown to him and I could easily pass him without worrying about who he would tell. It made me think about how we act in public, where people can see us and our actions vs how we are when no one is looking. I thought about it more than that, but that's a different blog post! and one I don't have time for right now because I'm going to be late to the movies!! :)

So there ya have it, I'm sure there are more interesting things I think about or that I could describe those in more detail but that's how it is for now :) Goodnight!

X's and O's,

Brandi Sue

Ha! Just realized that I accidentally did a #3 twice, so I really thought of 8 things. Whoops!!

Ten in Ten: Day Three

Ten Days: Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.

**"Win" isn't the word I would choose but I didn't make up the rules, just so you know ;) And I really have never ever thought of this before and after a day of thinking about it on and off I still wasn't sure but I couldn't put it off any longer. So, here ya go! These answers are subject to change ;)

1. Make the attempt to try and see things from the other person's perspective. You are still entitled to your opinion but don't be so stubborn about it. Get to know them and what their story is and maybe you will begin to see them in a clearer way. For the most part, everyone all wants the same thing. To be accepted and understood. So, if that's what you want then you need to do that for others as well. Give of yourself the way you want others to give to you.

2. Have a positive outlook on life in general. Being negative isn't going to make your life better, solve your problems, or make you happier. So keep your heart happy and light and you'll be surprised at how your gloomy days start turning around! Plus you will be more enjoyable to be around! Well for the most part anyway. There are those out there who can't stand to be around sunshiney people, but that's because they are usually so miserable that your happiness is painful. Love them anyway, don't let them darken your heart!

3. When my light starts to dim, remind me what I just said in the above paragraph! and take me out for ice cream! Or whatever it is that we like to do together haha

4. Be an active part of my life. Not just someone I hear from when you need something. The internet, phone calls, and roads go both ways ;)

5. Be thoughtful and show compassion to others. Be passionate about what interests you. Respect yourself and others, including me. (duh)

6. Love/like/accept me for who I am. Realize that I am learning as I go. No one is forever who they were when they were 10, 15, 20...people change and they grow. So grow with me or let me go. If you don't like me then don't pretend. I don't want to hear your life story, your problems, and your dreams if you secretly can't stand me. That's not fair to my time or my heart.

*Seriously, I have to think of 2 more things?! haha

7. Have dreams for your life. Set goals and actually make the effort to reach them in some way or another. Don't expect luck, money, love, life, adventure, excitement, whatever to just fall out of the sky and in your lap. Go after it! If you don't go for it, then don't complain about or be jealous of those who do.

8. Read my blog :) haha jk I don't know if you read this or not anyway...unless you leave a comment! ;) I could say, "buy me flowers/chocolate/jewelry" but those things aren't important (and really that's for my husband to do)...although, I wouldn't turn them down ;) So, I really have no idea what to put here for now. Just have a love for life!!

The week is half over!! :)

X's and O's,

Brandi Sue

Ten in Ten: Day Two

Ten Days: Day Two: Nine things about yourself.

This should be easy since I have already done this facebook chain a few years back. (If you can't see it, it was some chain letter thing where you were supposed to list 25 things about yourself)

1. I have a hard time answering the question "Where are you from?" because I have moved around a lot and so I don't really know which place to pick haha.

2. I choose to wake up on the right side of the bed 99% of the time and I find it hard sometimes to understand why others don't. It's a choice so why wouldn't you choose happiness? But everyone is entitled to a bad day too ;)

3. I'm told that I over think things 99% of the time. But usually it ends up being a good thing so I don't take it personally. I sometimes wish they would give it a try. Even though I am an "over thinker" I don't worry about things. God has always taken care of me and I believe that he will continue to do so. But I don't like to test his patience so I try and live a good life and make proactive choices!

4. I feel the need to explain things in detail sometimes...okay most of the time! I can't help it though, really I have tried. It's who I am. I mainly do it because I see so many conflicts happen from the result of miss communication or from people reading into things wrong. And sure enough, the minute I leave out a detail someone says "Well you didn't say that" it's annoying but I've come to accept it! haha

5. I always wished that I could play sports but always let my fear of failure keep me from trying it plus classmates can be so cruel sometimes and I didn't want to go through that.

6. People are my down fall. I love them and yet can't understand them all in the same breath. They fascinate me and I love to know their stories. I enjoy people watching when I am out and about although I am not any good at making up what their story could be. I truly love hearing what my friends and family are up to and looking at their pictures too. They crack me up with stories of their kids and I often repeat funny things they have shared (with permission) since I don't have any stories of my own yet, like that anyway haha.

7. You will most likely NEVER find me without a camera on me (esp now that cell phones have them) I am addicted with pictures and obsessed with capturing every memory as it happens. That's not limited to only my pictures and memories either. If you invite me to your kids birthday party I will most likely bring my camera along and shoot away as I please ;) Seriously, my photo archive is half full of other people's baby showers, birthday parties, weddings, and other events. (friend's of mine of course not strangers haha) Sometimes I have to remind myself to put the camera down and enjoy the memory with both eyes vs one peering through a tiny hole of a camera ;)

8. I'm one of the numbers in the last post, can you tell which one? (It rhymes with beehive)

9. I sometimes wish I had lived in a different time period. One where people dressed up to go out. I mean as in like hats, gloves, button up shoes, ties, vests, jackets...yeah the whole thing. When people sat on their front porch and visited with each other. When it was scandalous to be seen in a car/wagon with a top on it. ;) When trinkets and other items held more value. When small towns were booming with life. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy the modern day pleasures and medicine as well as woman's rights...but sometimes I wish...

X's and O's,

Brandi Sue

**Edited ummm 5 mins after posting this:
Can I change #5?! I really don't care about sports anymore or that I can't play them. So I want to change that statement to... I LOOOOOOVE to travel!!! It's so much fun to explore a new city and all it has to offer. I take pictures of it all of course and then I read up on the places later when I get home. It's nerdy I know ;)

Ten in Ten: Day One

I saw this on my friend's blog and decided to do it as well. There is a different theme for each day and today's is...

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now. (Names not included)

*Disclaimer: I have actually thought about this post for several days and could not chose who in particular I wanted to write about, so I chose groups of people (friends, family, mean people...yes mean people. But I still did not list the group, although you can probably figure it out yourself.) and a few individuals.

1. You are the reason I am here. I question the path you have laid out for me at times although I continue going down it with faith as my flashlight and you as my strength. I never know what is around the corner waiting for me but I know that you do and that you will be right there with me, so I never have worry in my heart. Your love comes easy and without question so at times I take it for granted as well as the blessings you have given me. So I am glad that your forgiveness also comes easy and that it's pure forgiveness.

2. You give meaning to my day. You challenge me every day to be better at what I do. I love to watch your face as you talk about your memories, like you're dusting off a good record and playing your favorite song. Sometimes you get so caught up in them that it's like I'm not even there. There are stories that make us laugh until our sides hurt and some that make me yearn for a different time. Then there are the ones that you can't finish because even though they were so long ago, the pain sneaks back up on you as if it were yesterday. You put life in perspective for me and help me to realize what and who really matter at the end of the day. Sometimes you don't remember my name and even when you do, I'm just a mere dot in your life. But I will never forget you or the lessons you have taught me while I make my own life full of memories.

3. I see you where ever I go. As I am driving to the mall, running errands, at a party, everywhere. I don't know you and the chances are I never will but I smile at you anyway, as if we were old friends. Sometimes you smile back and ask about my day but that's usually as far as it goes. For you anyway, I always want more. I want to know your story, what brought you across my path. I want to know why you have a scar across your forehead, did you fall when you were little or is it from a battle with cancer? I want to know the story behind "Maria" tattooed on your arm, was she your high school sweetheart and did it work out? I want to know if you like what you are doing and if not, why don't you make it better? Did you give up on your dreams or is this everything you dreamed of? I tip you extra when you give bad service because I wonder if you are going through something difficult and just can't shake it. I compliment you on something if I can tell your sad or upset because sometimes it's enough to put a smile back on your face. I motion for you to go first at the stop sign because you may be in a hurry somewhere. I hold the door for you with a smile on my face because I know sometimes you think young people these days don't have any manners. I try not to get annoyed when your kids don't behave because I know that could be me one day and I would want some one to do the same. Everyone has a story and I want to know yours.

4. No matter what, you're supposed to be there. That's why I'm still here. There are days when you frustrate me so much that I wish I didn't know you, but I stay because that's what we do and because I know you have a heart of gold...even if it's buried deep sometimes. I wish that you could learn from your lessons though or the mistakes from those around you, then you wouldn't make things so hard on yourself. You have the potential to be so much more than what you settle for. You hold grudges against each other too and sometimes without good reason. You have to learn to let things go and just enjoy things as they come. I love that you love those around you with the fire of a thousand suns and how you would do anything for them if they needed. Sometimes you contain that love to just select people and I wish you would let others in, you would be surprised at how easy it is and at the joy you would get in return. Remember, if you ask of others then you should also be willing to give yourself. No matter what though, I'm still here for you...even if you push me away.

5. You are your worst enemy. For real. You give of yourself without expecting anything in return and often run empty because of this. I think you need to be a little more selective in who you invest in that way you aren't disappointed when the favor is never or rarely returned. But it's not why you do what you do so I know you won't listen anyway. You know God will take care of you so you never worry about your feelings and desires. You drive yourself crazy trying to be politically correct even though you don't understand why you should be, people should just know that you have good intentions and it frustrates you when they take your words/actions the wrong way. At times you're an old soul and rather hang out with the older generation because they understand you better than those your own age. That and they know how to let go of the unimportant things and to hold on to what really matters. It's funny how you don't like when people make excuses for the way their life is although you make excuses for them when they let you down. You always manage a smile even when your heart is aching inside, because you feel the need to be strong for others and you aren't sure they really care to hear your troubles anyway. I pray that you begin to realize your potential and beauty like your biggest fans do, it's the only way you will be able to grow. I pray that you continue to dream even when it seems pointless and that you won't ever lose the naive side of you that you get teased about. There are two sides to your personality, most people just see your semi-confident always in control side. I see the shy dreamer who just wants everyone to love you the way you love them...and ask you what your story is.

6. I will never understand you or what makes you the way you are. Your smile drips with honey but sometimes your words are poison and I fall for them every time. Just when I think I am gaining ground with you, you show me why I should just walk away and leave you in your misery. But everyone has a story and I like to believe that you really are a good person at heart but that maybe you are just going through something that has your heart hardened. So I continue to smile at you and wish you the best when we pass each other and I listen to how your day went with active interest although you never inquire about mine. You make the saying, "Kill them with kindness." a full time job but for the most part it isn't that hard so I continue at it. You have no real reason to dislike me or treat me the way you do so it doesn't affect the outcome of my day. If anything, I sometimes secretly hope it drives you crazy that you haven't broken me. ;) and that you will begin to see that you can be a happy person too!

7. You know me from when I was a gawky little kid all the way to who I am today and you have been there for me through it all. You laughed at all my embarrassing moments, from accidentally setting off the fire alarm in front of my high school crush to getting sick in front of everyone at a classy hotel lounge and you remind me of it to keep me real. You also know I'll remind you of yours! You tell me what I need to hear while also telling me what I don't want to admit myself. You push me to try new things and the memories we make because of that will last a lifetime. We go months without talking and then carry on a conversation as if we saw each other yesterday. On the other hand we talk or text everyday, and if the day has gone by and we haven't talked I text you just because. You're my partner in crime and one of the few who really gets me and my crazy ways. The times you don't get me, you just laugh and love me anyway! You're each in my life for different reasons and I'm so glad that God knew I needed you. I hope I'm there for you like you have been there for me, even when we are miles apart.

8. I see you every day but don't really know that much about you. I don't like to assume that just because you're apart of my everyday activities that we are automatically friends, I've been burned that way before. So I just go along with the way we are now and wait to see if you try to make an effort to be friends or not. That might seem a little snobbish but I promise that's not it at all. Although, I admit that it does make for less drama in some situations and makes it easier to voice when I am unhappy about something...since I'm not afraid of ruining a friendship that doesn't really exist. But really I'm the type of person who wants to be friends with everyone so most of the time I don't say anything anyway.

9. You are my rock and keep me grounded even when I try to jump. But you also encourage me to fly and challenge myself. Your my biggest fan and believe in me more than I do. Most of the time I don't deserve your love. You have seen me at my best and have seen me at my worst and you continue to love me anyway. You are my secret keeper, my dream holder, and my protector. We have grown up a lot together and have made so many memories along the way. You stay strong for the both of us when I feel we have reached our limit. You're the brains of the operation and I'm the heart and together we have it all. You know how to push my buttons but also how to sooth my aching heart. We are complete opposites in so many ways and yet for the most part it works perfectly. I don't know what the future holds for us but I know that you will always be there and that means everything.

10. You do not exist yet and yet I think of you every day. I wonder if you will have my smile or my eyes. I wonder if we will share a love of animals and dream of the good we could do together if we took in every stray that came our way. Will you enjoy staying up late with me playing card games? I'm scared that I will try too hard to give you what I didn't have and it will scar you for life or turn you away. I'm scared that you will make stupid choices in life and have to learn things the hard way. I don't want you to ever push me away and feel like you can't come to me when you're in trouble but I don't want to enable you to keep going down the wrong path. I pray that you will love me like I love you, that you will have the same upbeat chipper outlook on life, that you won't let others get you down, and that you live life to the fullest. I pray I don't fail you or that you ever feel you have failed me. I can't wait to cuddle you while your little, cry when you run off with your friends forgetting to give me a hug, and for when you have these very same feelings yourself. Right now you can still be anything since you aren't here yet and that's the main reason you aren't. I can't fail you yet, you can't outgrow me yet, you can't be born with some illness or defect yet...if you don't exist. And yet, I think of you every day.

Whew! That was harder and took longer than I thought! I'm glad these get shorter as the days go on! Hope you had a happy New Year!

X's and O's,

Brandi Sue

The "real" reason behind...a few sentences

Last week I talked about how I ran across a few sentences that really bothered me on a photographer's blog. As a recap...on the surface it bothered me because I felt bad for the people who had done what the photographer was talking about. My defenses went up for them and I wanted to ask that person, "Ummmm...didn't YOU have to start out from somewhere yourself?!" I also wanted to ask if THEY had ever e-mailed a photographer that they looked up to and asked for advice. How would they feel if they ran across those words on the photographer's page? Basically, just wanted to ask what made them feel like they were so different from the people they mentioned in those few sentences! I won't even go into the "copying" part...mainly because I don't really know how to express how I feel on that subject. But, like I said in the last blog, as I did not e-mail and have not copied said photographer those few sentences didn't really bother me personally. However, the words did.

Ever since highschool, I have carried some sort of camera on me everywhere I go! (it would have been sooner but I couldn't afford one before then!) I received a digital camera in 2006 and the number of pictures on my computer tripled! When I decided to buy my first SLR camera, it was because I wanted better pictures of the things I was documenting in my life. Family get togethers, vacations, and just random things that caught my eye were made so much better with the quality of that camera! I was so excited to document EVERYTHING!! When I would hang out with my little nephew...I snapped pictures. When my friend Missena and I would take her kids to the park...I brought my camera along too! It was so much fun and the pictures were so adorable! Soon, my friends began asking me to take their pictures. As I didn't classify myself as a photographer (just someone with a nice camera) I would take their pictures, edit them, and make them a c.d. for FREE. I was 100% fine with that and wouldn't have it any other way! When a few actually offered to pay, I told them it was good practice for me and turned the money down. That was half the truth...the other half was me shouting in my head, "Pay me?! A REAL photographer could have captured waaaay better pictures! I just happen to have a good camera and got lucky with a few shots. Silly person." Although I loved the quality and felt that they were better pictures than they might have been able to take, I didn't think I deserved to be paid for it. *Note...When I say they were better than what they may have been able to take...I mean that as I had a SLR camera I was able to capture things quicker and was able to work in bad lighting easier than what their digital camera could do. It's no offense to anyone*

Then, one day, I got paid! I met Holly through Missena and after looking at my pictures she asked me to take some of her kids. This was someone who was not a direct friend, who thought I did a great job and wanted ME to take pictures! I didn't create the opportunity or anything! I was so excited! Then it HIT me...I have to really ROCK this, this lady is paying me!! Not only do I need to do great with the kiddos, but I have to edit and turn the pictures back to her in a timely manner...whoa! Lucky for me, she wanted to shoot outdoors AND I had learned some tricks in photoshop...just in case ;) I was going to describe the shoot some more but then I remembered that I have a blog about it so check it out if you missed it before! Click here for the link.

That was my first...and last...paying gig. Say WHAT?! haha nothing bad happened, but thanks for the sympathy ;) That session was in November and shortly after I changed jobs, and shortly after that I moved to Norman, and shortly after that I got married!! So things got busy and I never pushed my photography in a business direction. Although, I was asked to do 2 weddings and 1 engagement session!! While it was a HUGE compliment, there was no way I felt comfortable doing a wedding! Pictures mean SOOOOO much to me and I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I messed things up for whatever reason. And also, because I didn't consider myself to be a "photographer"...just a person with a nice camera ;) I would have done the engagement session but things came up and we weren't able to schedule it.

Now that things have slown down a bit and with my recent SLR upgrade (I bought a Cannon 50D) my mind is pondering the "what if." What if...I began letting people know I'm for hire. What if...I did start booking sessions. What if... In the back of my mind, I wonder what the other photographers would think. Would they think, "Who does she think she is? She has no schooling, no background, and no experience. She is JUST a girl with a nice camera!" That was my main reason for not pursing it. Deep down, I feard these things and just couldn't take the next step. Deep down, I didn't think I was good enough for strangers to hire me to record their life. Deep down, I didn't want to be judged. People can be so mean and heartless sometimes and I just didn't want to put myself out there.

But...what if...? I mean, my friends all tell me I do a good job. My husband has been trying to talk me into it for the last year. He was the one saying, "Just because they are your friend's doesn't mean you can't charge them!" If they all believed in me...then why not just give it a try? With that all being said...I began to feel pretty confidant about it. I knew I wouldn't accept a wedding, but anything else I could handle. After all, if for some reason the pictures didn't turn out the way I thought they should...I could just refund the money. Let's do this thing, I thought!

Not a week later...I ran across those few sentences on a photographer's blog. And my heart SANK. The words and the judgement I had feard...were there in black font. Taunting me and clouding the confidance I had in myself. So there you have it. That's the REAL reason that those few sentences had bothered me so much. Why I couldn't get them out of my head and off my heart. I know, that had my circumstances been different, had I not been a "budding photographer." I still would have been bothered by those sentences, on behalf of the people they were talking about. But given the circumstances of what all has happened in the last year, how much I have grown, and what I had been dreaming...those words cut me deep.

I'm 100% positive that the photographer has NO idea about my story or my dreams. They don't know me from Adam. They themselves are young photographers like me, just with more experience. When I read the blog it is usually full of happy bright images and exciting new things going on with their studio and the connections they have. I'm 100% sure when those words were typed they didn't know how it would have hurt me personally. But I'm also 100% sure they knew it would hurt someone's feelings. I mean, seriously...if someone is sending you an e-mail asking for advice, wouldn't you assume they are following your work? So maybe it wouldn't have bothered me as much if they would have stopped typing after saying, "Doesn't it seem like everyone is a photographer these days?" That's not so much of a personal attack. Although, I still would have been a little hurt at those words too haha

Ugh, I dunno...maybe I'm just extra sensitive since I had been fearing a photographer might say that only to have them say it JUST as I am deciding to take a leap into something I care so much about ;) For the record, I'm not letting this stop me...although I'm going to take baby steps rather than leap ;)

Thanks for listening to me vent! I hope you all had a great weekend!

X's and O's,

Brandi Sue

A few sentences...Part I

I have thought about it all night and all day long. Even with the distractions of the day, it's been on my heart and I can't lay it to rest. I went back and forth on if I even wanted to write about it. Then I decided that if it bothered me that much, I should. It's my blog after all right? *Standing up to the soapbox*

As if you can't tell, pictures are my passion. Not just pictures I take or even pictures of people I know...just pictures in general. I spend at least 1-2 hours every night looking at people pictures on my social network sites, checking out my fave photogs blogs (that doesn't take as long since they don't all post everyday), and editing my own pictures. It's something I really enjoy for various reasons. I love the story that's told, I love the pretty colors, I love the beautiful scenes, I love the fashion, and I love the ones with none of the above. So...you are getting the point right? haha

I came across a blog that was fairly long *yay jackpot* and was enjoying looking at the different pictures and reading the ramblings of the photog...when I came across the few sentences. This particular photog made the comment about how they think it seems like everyone is a photographer these days. They went on to say how they get several e-mails a day wondering how to start up their business and that they have seen their work copied.

Now, it's hard to tell what the "tone" was in those sentences but they ended with "What's up with that?" So...I don't think it's hard to take a guess. I personally, take little to no offense to those few sentences because I have never asked that photog about advice (although I have left positive comments before) and I can't recall every copying said photographer.

With this being said, my heart hurts for the ones who have. Placing myself in their shoes here's what I would feel like... I obviously am a fan of their work or I wouldn't be asking for their advice. Now, who knows how or even IF this photographer (I should have made up a name so it would have been easier to follow along haha) responded to their e-mail. I hope for their sake and for their business, they replied back positively. Because, again placing myself in their shoes, if they had not responded and had I read those sentences...I would never hire that photographer or recommend them. Who wants someone with that attitude? What an opportunity missed to be a leader, to be a role model, and to be a friend. Let me remind you though, I have NO idea if they did respond (or the tone)...I'm totally going off those few sentences!!

Which brings up another point. Words are so tricky. They can be taken in so many different ways especially when lacking the tone of voice and expression on the face. So many people tease me for putting :) ;) or haha in my e-mails, texts, blog, and/or instant messages...and it's because I have seen what a mess "just words" can make! haha So, I try to prevent it. In a perfect world, people would already know that I'm a happy sunshiny person 99% of the time and wouldn't take things I write the wrong way. But it happens. But this post isn't about me...it's about the few sentences said photographer wrote. Those few sentences that made my heart heavy. Those few sentences that could potentially cost that photographer clients! Out of a post full of pictures and ramblings...all I recall are those few sentences. THAT'S what I took from the blog. Not what a great job they did, not about how interesting their day/life was, but those few sentences. I'm about 100% sure that's not what they wanted to happen.

Okay, so if I'm being honest...now that I think about it...I can recall a few pictures but I don't want to mention them and someone now figure out who I am talking about because I do NOT want to diss on this person or have drama (totally don't think they read my blog so I'm not too worried) I just...well I don't know what I am trying to accomplish by this post but I felt the desire to write about it. And maybe that's how they felt. It was their blog after all and they have every right to post what they want! But I just feel bad for the people who had previously written to that person with excitement and passion for what they were wanting to do in their life only to later read those few sentences and know what the photographer was thinking..."Oh, here's another Joe who thinks they have what it takes. Thinks that just because they have a fancy camera (or whatever) they all of a sudden they can take pictures!" Okay...so maybe that's not what they were saying...but that's what I took from it. ;) Which brings me to the REAL reason this bothers me...

***I intended to continue writting but obviously it takes me FOREVER to explain something and get to the point and I'm soooo tired! This is something that has been on my heart though and I'd like to share so bare with me and I'll get back to you later on this! I think it's best for me to take a step back anyway to gather my thoughts rather than type as I'm feeling and thinking ;)**

X's and O's,
Brandi Sue

P.S. I don't want you to walk away from this and also be upset with said photographer because when it's all said and done, (which is taking me forever) it's not what this is really about. Those few sentences were just the "straw that broke the camels back" for me...or whatever analogy goes there ;)

P.P.S. According to Microsoft word and spell check...I would get an "F" on this novel for bad spelling and grammer! But it's late and I'm so very tired so please forgive me for not fixing it! It comes with the territory of writing as you think!